The Beginning of my struggles. I was 25 years old, I had a new car, a beautiful daughter, engaged to my best friend and we had just moved into our newly built family home. I was working as an Accounts Manager and PA to a Legal Practice director. I loved my job, my life, my friends and everything else that came with it. I truly was HAPPY and felt content with where I was in life and where I was going, I was healthy and literally on top of the world.
Little did I realise that dealing with 1 difficult person at work and tolerating workplace bullying for a long period of time would eventually take its toll and send my world crashing down. I won’t go into all of the details however if anyone is experiencing workplace bullying or harassment, please send me a message! You aren’t alone and I have been there.
People ask ‘Why did you stay, why didn’t you just leave’ – well I loved every other aspect of my job, we were actually building our home when it first started so paying rent, paying land repayments and paying for 5 days a week childcare I didn’t really have any other option financially I needed to stay and at first I thought ‘this will get old, he will accept I am in a management position and behave appropriately’
We were also trying to fall pregnant and I knew that we would need the paid maternity leave from the government and lastly because I wasn’t in the wrong, I followed all the right steps, I was being reassured by my employer that it would end and I had trust in them that it would and that my health and then also health of the baby would be priority.
The workplace bullying lasted for over 14 months and then into my maternity came the repercussions and I was still receiving constant communication to attend trial in defence of the company after they finally dismissed the employee, however then had an unfair dismissal filed against them and I was their ticket out. They needed my support because they hadn’t supported me.
To say the least it was A LOT and it wasn’t until after my son was born and got to about 6 months old, the thought of going back to that environment in 3 months time and having time to stop and actually think about the actions and lack thereof that I began not being able to sleep, his face and words consumed my every thought, I couldn’t move past it, I couldn’t let go, I just felt my heart racing at times and the tightness in my chest. I would panic at the thought of going back and that’s when I went to my doctor. My doctor had already assisted me when I started maternity leave and had to fill out forms to be exempt from court because my baby was due that month and she just said this isn’t ok, you need to see a psychologist and you need to go onto medication and that’s where it began.
I received a lot of medical advice, IME reports, Work cover treatment and was told I was unable to go back into an office environment or to pursue the career I had worked hard towards because the chances of a relapse are too high and or course I don’t only have myself to think about, I have my young family to consider.
My world crashed.
I fell into the darkest hole and began spiralling.
My blogs from this point on will not be in any order, they will be my emotions, feelings, thoughts and challenges along the way that I have documented to help spread awareness, to start a conversation and to NORMALISE mental illness.
I am nervous AF to share, but I can’t help to think what if I helped even ONE person.
As always pop any questions or comments below.